Home » Life Skills (Young Adult) » Letter to My Young Adult Children: Should I Get Married and Should I Have Kids?

Letter to My Young Adult Children: Should I Get Married and Should I Have Kids?

Dear children

I will (try) keep this short..it is a follow up of my last post on habituation..which translates to better parenting practices a new couple can adopt to raise healthier families.

Already at pre-natal care, a mum-to-be can try to apply self care and be well. It is noteworthy a counselling or educational psychologist will usually enquire about a mum’s childbirth and the period following to that because any toxic ingestion or heightened emotional issues can affect the subsequent growth and healthy development of the foetus and child development therafter. The mummy’s mental and emotional health in this window period is that important. 

Second, the couple relationship needs to be informed by facts and information. I observe many couples going for marriage preparation courses. The course’s customised content is most useful but to me the most far reaching impact has got to be the finances management module where the couple merge their financial habits together. Financial considerations can make or break a marriage, especially in a city where the costs of living needs to be prudently anticipated and managed.

Next, attending a basic child or developmental psychology course to understand the milestones of an individual’s developmental behavior can enable some parents to put to rest or at least lighten their fears of a childhood worry or conflict that has not been resolved. A second advantage of such a course is to enable a  parent – to – be set achievable goals for their own children in the growing up years which will lead to an improved relationship with their  children when they become adults. 

Also, a knowledge of the various developmental milestones allows a parent to realise there are many ‘stages’ of a person’s life course development and growing older successfully requires earlier ‘stages’ to be surmounted fairly successfully before transiting to the next (google ‘Eric Erickson’s 8 stages of psychosocial development’ if you wish to know more). For example, if a parent is ‘open minded’ enough to acknowledge the various identity ‘changes’ or ‘experiments’ a teenager wants to go through and can ‘grit teeth and bear it’ (oftentimes all an adolescent needs is someone to talk out or express their fears without being ‘torn limb to limb’ and only then after they gain calmness and clarity might they ‘get over it’), the young charges come through as emergent young adults ready to continue with their subsequent ‘life stages’, slightly more courageous  to face future challenges life will throw at them.

That’s all I want to say for this post..and then you reply, what if I do not want to be a parent next time? 

It’s your call really..strive to be happy on your own and like what you see in the mirror before deciding on a union with anyone else:)

You. got. this.

Your loving mum

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